Hey they have similar letters. There has to be something to that. I am sure we could dig into Latin prefixes and figure out the commonality, but who has time. The reality is, everyone faces adversity and most of us survive it. I don’t think anyone gets out of this life unscathed and that means sooner or later, we lose a job, a relationship a loved one, whatever the case. What we do with adversity is what sets us apart.
Your response is what changes the situation. Your response is what is going to get you through and help you build the skills you need to face future challenges.
What doesn’t Kill You-Yada Yada
1. Know that sooner or later something sucky is going to happen. How is it that some people ride the wreck with a sense of determination while others just spiral downward and bemoan the situation to the point where they are no longer functioning in any healthy manner? Shit happens. The bumper sticker attests to that. What can you make from it, another shit sandwich or an avant-garde beautiful, smelly sculpture. The choice is yours.
2. Worry Not – Lest You Get Cancer. The worry train is a terrible ride. As I tell my clients and my children, worry is the most useless emotion. Think about it. You are worrying about something that hasn’t happened. You drive yourself mad with the “what ifs”, and then you find yourself locked away in the house as an agoraphobic because something out there might happen. There is an origin to the term “worry wart” I will keep it succinct. It was noted that worry and stress caused warts, which are horrible, ugly reminders on our skin. Doctors, way back when decided that these warts would turn into cancer.
3. Open Up A Present Moment. Yes the situation might be bad, very bad. But where do you divert your energy? You could spend it thinking about all the other terrible things that could domino, or you could decide, “what can I do in this present moment?” to make things better. Avoid focusing on the worst possible outcome or beating yourself up about the current challenge. It’s possible you made a mistake or misjudged the situation, but the adversity is happening right now, so keep your attention focused on the present.
4. HELP is a good four-letter word. Personally this has been the most difficult one for me. I don’t like asking for help from anyone. I am a one-woman show and I will fix anything and I will take care of what needs to be taken care of. Yeah, then my adrenal glands gave out. Most people who care about you, want to help you. It is up to you to accept the offer. This is scary. We feel beholden. But think about it, aren’t you the first one to offer help? Let someone else do the same.
Remember: When faced with adversity, keep your focus on finding solutions. Having a goal and plan are key components of bringing your life back on course. Worry, stress, and fear will only lower your effectiveness and limit your ability to alter the situation.
“Adversity causes some men to break; others to break records.”
-William Arthur Ward
Difficult Conversations and What You Need to Know