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5/20/2019 0 Comments

Across the Universe

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​I See Dead People!
 
Ok well not exactly in the same way as Haley Joel Osmet, but for years I have had this notion that the spirits and the energies move around me in a way that the signs are obvious that something bigger is always in play.  I find this to be exciting information because I know that I am not alone.  Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t hang out with spirits when my family is out of the house.  Come on that’s creepy.  What I mean is that I feel a universal connection and the more intense my feelings, the more I feel able to connect to the intangible.
 
It’s a Small World After All
 
Recently I had an incident happen that involved someone from my past that I was thinking about intensely for a moment in time. This woman, I had given up on trying to find via social networking because she simply did not live on facebook.  I had been trying to find this old and dear friend for years since we lost touch, even before social media. I tried for years but to no avail. I was reminded again of her recently this past summer when the Grateful Dead were playing a last concert in Chicago.  We had been diehard “deadheads” and as I watched the highlights on the news from the comfort of my living room I was instantly transplanted back to those days and my feelings about those times were so intense as I spun around my living room in my beloved hippy dance, much to the horror of my son.  That Monday, I received a friend request from a mutual friend.  She messaged me to say “your ears must have been burning this weekend as Cathy and I were both in Chicago at the Dead show and we were talking about old friends and your name was at the top of our list.”  We finally found each other and it happened because somewhere in the world, two energies were on the same wavelength at the same time and the intensity of our emotions transcended both time and space. 
 
Feel It Baby
So how can this idea of emotionally intense attraction work for you.  Well I am not going to go all theory of “the secret” on you but there is something to the notion that we are conduits of energy and that energy travels and moves through us.  Why is it that when you are afraid of seemingly nothing, the hair on the back of your neck stands up.  That is a protective energy alerting you.  What about those hunches you get or those “gut feelings”, they are usually spot on, unless of course you choose to ignore them.
 
  • We all have this power
The problem is that most of us ignore the presence of the essence.  That essence is the connection we have to the universe.  Within us all is that feeling, that nudge that something is either going to happen or has happened somewhere that will directly affect us.
 
  • “I won’t see it until I believe it.”
I believe the late, great Yogi Berra may have said this, can’t be sure, but whomever it was, it is exactly right.  The problem is that most of us try this notion with “If I believe I am going to win the lottery enough times it will happen.”  Unfortunately if the emotion is not strong enough, than the perceived belief is not going to work.  I know that I try on a regular basis to “believe” that I have won the lottery, the problem is I don’t have any strong feelings associated with wealth, therefore my emotions are an opposing force to my sense of belief.  Unlike my overwhelming emotions when I was watching the Grateful Dead on the news and feeling every moment of those days with my friend Cathy.  Only then did the universe deliver her straight to my facebook messenger.
 
You Feel Me?
What a great question.  But what does it really mean.  For the students that I teach, it means, “do you understand where I am coming from?”  Isn’t that what it is really about.  We all want to be understood.  How is it that young people put the words to the meaning, because without the “feeling” you don’t understand.  So when you are trying to bring the positive into your life, if the feelings don’t match the belief you are going to be left hanging.  You are going to give up on the notion of positive intentions.  Why?  Because the intention is not going to happen if the emotional energy is not strong enough to bring it to light.
 
The Universe Delivers
I spent years looking for this old friend of mine.  I asked my brother who worked in background investigations to see if he could find an address.  I asked other mutual friends if they had an address.  I found dead ends everywhere.  It wasn’t until I danced, unencumbered, in the middle of my living room, lost in a trance of past happiness, lost in memories of a friend that I had loved so dearly, lost in a moment of pure positive energy, asking nothing, but feeling everything, that the universe delivered-and in such a timely manner.
 
Maybe Jerry Garcia had a hand in it. Ha! Whatever the case, “what a long strange trip it’s been” , and may it continue to be so.
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    ​Difficult Conversations and What You Need to Know
     
    You Talkin’ To Me?
    “We need to talk” is probably one of the most dreaded statements anybody, in any language, wants to hear.  It comes in all forms, whether it is the boss at work, the disgruntled family member, or the dreaded, “gee I thought this was going great,” six months into it,” relationship partner.  Conversation, in itself, is difficult enough but now with all the alternate ways that people communicate, face to face being the most archaic, it becomes even more important to understand the art of conversation.
     
    Wait, Wait, That’s Not What I Meant
    Saying what you mean and meaning what you say is often a misnomer.  How many times have you sent a text that you thought was quite hilarious, but the recipient, yeah, well, he or she did not have the same reaction and meaning was lost in cyber translation.  These days much of our communication is electronic and therefore stripped of the body language that is imperative when making an important point, or even when the mood is jovial.   Stating something in an imitation voice with some over the top gestures will definitely get your sarcastic take on the situation, across in person, however some typed words all alone on a screen…well, let’s just say that on the receiving end it doesn’t always sound as good as it does in your head when you are gleefully typing away.
     
    A 4-letter Word That Means Intercourse and Ends With The Letter K.
    TALK- You got it unless you are amongst the 99% of the population that decided on the acronym for Fornication Under Consent of the King.  Either way, talking or f#*&ing is communication of the highest form and even the most difficult in either case, should bring about some change.  Sometimes the most challenging and uncomfortable conversations, can in fact be the catalyst for some much needed important changes in your life.  Now don’t get me wrong, we all avoid these conversations as if they had a “stranger danger” sign wrapped around them, but the reality is that these conversations can lead to true transformation in both personal and professional arenas.
    Avoidance Will Kill Your Buzz.  
    Putting it off does not make it go away.  Instead it festers like a boil.  The anger and resentment that builds will eventually erupt into a pus filled volcano. Visually disgusting I hope, but hey, that’s the reality and it won’t be pretty.
    Find your courage. Start the conversation.
    Preparation is Key. 
    Just make sure you are not showing up with a laundry list of complaints.  Emphasize concerns, not petty annoyances.  Write down the most crucial points so that you can see for yourself what it is that you really need to discuss.  You may find after looking at your list, that some things are just not that important.  A little bit of time and analysis can save you a great deal of heartache.  
    What Do You Want From Me?
    You better actually know the answer to this question before you start the conversation. All human behavior is motivated by needs-know what your need is and you will be well on your way to knowing what outcome you hope you see.  If you don’t know what you hope to see happen by the end of the conversation, then perhaps it is not the right time to start one.  Know what you need, understand the change you want to see happen, and you will be on your way to having a conversation that might be difficult at first, but successful by the end.
     
    Silence and Rage-Hhhhhhmmmm
    One of my favorite movies, Midnight Run, with Charles Grodin and Robert DeNiro, has one of my favorite lines.  “You know what your problem is? You have two forms of communication, silence and rage.”  To which DeNiro responds, “Fuck You” or something to that affect.  Whatever the case, Grodin hits the nail on the head when referring to DeNiro’s character’s inability to communicate his emotions in any healthy manner.
     Remain Silent Too Long – Yeah You Get Rage
     
    Difficult Conversations Are… Well Difficult
    Don’t run away from them though.  Keep telling yourself that once it is over, you will feel better. Don’t hide from the issues.  Face them head on.  It will be tough, but be assured that your relationships will benefit greatly when you learn to handle these conversations with grace and dignity.  Steer clear of DeNiro’s response and you might actually get somewhere, that somewhere being the other side of what you thought would be impossible to say, “face to face.”

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    Accepting Compliments

    Check yourself. 
    ​Someone says “hey your hair looks great.”  What’s your first response?  “Really, no, it’s actually dirty and I really need to get it cut.”  Or do you simply say “thank you.”  If you are the latter then you can stop reading now.  Compliments can make you feel good about yourself, or they can make you squirm.
    Why Compliments Are So Difficult To Take
    I have a dear friend, who no matter when or how I complicate her, she turns it into the negative.  I have learned to make her stop and take stock of what is coming out of her mouth.  It has almost become routine at this point but I am convinced that one of these days she is just going to say, “thank you.”
     But why are compliments so difficult for us to take?  I know that for me, it has taken most of my life before I have finally arrived at that place where I can just say thank you.  It’s not easy.  We are programmed to feel like we are bragging.  How could saying thank you be bragging?  I have found though, that the more women I work with, the more it is ingrained in the female psyche that accepting compliments is synonymous with being vain.  I’m pretty sure Carly Simon was talking about a man when she penned that song.
    Practice Giving Them
    Now don’t get me wrong.  Don’t leave your house with a backpack of bullshit compliments that you are going to hurl at the first dozen people you come across in the day.  If you stop for gas, don’t feel the need to compliment the person across the pump on the cool color of his or her car and certainly don’t feel the need to let the drive-thru Dunkin Donuts gal think that “she has a voice for radio.”  I mean if she genuinely does than go for it.  If not just pay, tip and go.
    Genuine complimenting, however, is not only good for the recipient, it is good for you as well.
    Giving compliments is one of the most effective ways to become more skillful at accepting them yourself.
    Use these strategies to give praise like a pro: 
    Be genuine.
    ​    Authenticity matters most.. If your intentions are honorable, people will usually welcome your sincerity and it doesn’t have to be about appearances.  Pick something specific.  Sure it’s nice to hear, “hey I think that color suits you” but how about, “You are one of those people who look amazing, no matter what.”  Wow, talk about making someone’s day. Think creatively. Your spouse might appreciate your compliments on a dinner, but how about getting nutty and comment on the fact that he/she goes out of the way to combine healthy with yummy.  Now that’s appreciation and an awesome compliment. Write it down. Kindness and praise last longer when you put it in writing. An unexpected card can often times be just what someone needs at that moment.  Never underestimate that power
     Assess your self-esteem.  If you would rather have a root canal than a compliment(god forbid in front of others) than it is time to check your self esteem. Remind yourself that you are worthy of love and respect.  Make sure to surround yourself with people who are on your side and want the best for you.  
    Focus on the other person.  If you are having trouble being gracious, think about the person complimenting you.  That takes the pressure off.  Let them know that you appreciate the fact that he or she would take the time to be so kind. Whew, you did it!
    Relax your body. You might be one of those people who are hardwired to repel anything that makes you feel good about yourself.  You may actually feel a physical discomfort.  Work through it.  Make your face smile, whether you want to or not.  Don’t cringe. Look the person straight in the eye and say thank you.  The more you practice, the more it becomes habit.  
    Compliments and small gestures of kindness do wonders for the soul.  Brighten your own day, by complimenting someone.  It just feels good!
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